I never played the original DuckTales, although I have seen people play and realize that there's a large following behind it.  I was also never terribly invested in any of the duck-related cartoons that the game is built off of, so who knows how I'll receive this remastered version of it.  What I do know is that this is not a straight remake or the original game with nice sprites; I know that the dialogue is all new, and there were no cutscenes in the original.  Let's go!



Oh boy.

Let me start off by saying that I appreciate everything about this game.  The fact that the original voice actors did the recording for this game - unbelievable.  Alan Young, who does the voice for Scrooge McDuck, is ninety-three years old, and sounds as game as ever.  So I just want to say that the dedication Capcom has to the legacy of Ducktales is admirable and appreciated.

Good on you, Capcom!  Now, stop reading!  Don't go down anymore.  Stop.

But holy.  Fucking.  Shit.

So, the best way I can explain this is by discussing Nintendo Syndrome.  In recent years, one thing has turned me off to every major Nintendo release despite my inherent interest in their games.  They are so.  Fucking.  Slow.

I tried to play Skyward Sword when it came out.  Three hours in, I realized that everything was incredibly slow, but I chalked that up to tutorializing.  But when three more hours passed, and things were still slow as shit, I realized that I couldn't play that game.  And Skyward Sword became the first Zelda game that I hadn't completed since I was a child

And then the same thing happened with Nintendoland.  And then I bought Pikmin 3 a week ago, and I couldn't play it for more than a few hours because it kept acting like I had never seen a fucking video game controller in my fucking life.

I get it.  I get that games should be accessible to everyone, including people that don't play them, and I agree.  But I should have a choice.  Many of Nintendo's fans are my age and older, because we were there earliest fans.  And DuckTales is even more baffling!  This is a nostalgia game, and the original came out in 1989, two years before I was born!

Just stop talking, you little fucks!  Jesus.

This game should cater to me, and people older than me, and it doesn't.  This game has Nintendo syndrome, and for that reason, I couldn't play more than about an hour of it without getting frustrated.

Now, having said that.

The game looks great.  Some of the polygonal backgrounds aren't as vivid as I feel they ought to be, but the characters are awesome.  Game Informer recently compared them to Paper Mario sprites, and that's an apt description.  Their wonderfully painted and outlines and are animated extremely well.

It really is a gorgeous game.

The music, too, is really kick-ass, full of remixes and homages to the original game.

So it's too bad I couldn't play it.  I

Will Not Revisit

DuckTales: Remastered, simply because it's so slow to get through any of the story segments.  Tomorrow, let's take a look at the (hopefully faster-paced)

Cthulhu Saves the World!